her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
