So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
