I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
