Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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