you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
