I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
