I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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