Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
