Did you just see the Batmobile???
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
