she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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