We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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