I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
