Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
