Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
