i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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