I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
