I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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