Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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