i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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