Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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