Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
