i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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