a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
