"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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