Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Buhtt sex?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
