Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
