i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
