fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize