This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
