I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
