1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
