I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
