Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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