she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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