DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
