I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
