Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
