Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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