i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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