i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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