Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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