I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
