Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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