im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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