My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
