you guys were way drunker than both of me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
