This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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