I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this just has baby written all over it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
