Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
