I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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