I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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