I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize