You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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