Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
