The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
