Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We need to rekindle our bromance
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
