all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
