I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize