So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
