It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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