I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
