I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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