I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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