I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
