No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
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You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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