He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
