Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
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i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize