Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
